We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
