Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
