Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
