I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize