How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Found your dick twin last night
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
