apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
