omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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