My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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