I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
