he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I checked into jail on foursquare
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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