would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Randomize
