I wish I only lived at night.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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