Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
