Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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