I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We are all done wearing pants today
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
