I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
