seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
