Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
