Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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