How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Randomize
