I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Just invented taco cereal.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
