so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
