He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
This is my gift to your gina
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
