John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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