oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
