i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
