My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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