With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
