so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
i now understand why vodka
Randomize
