bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
