at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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