belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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