Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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