By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
