Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
