What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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