u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Princesses don't give blow jobs
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize