Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Dignity is for republicans.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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