that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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