Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
