she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize