At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Randomize
