Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
