MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
