gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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