i think my mom watched the whole time
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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