As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
