i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
