And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
