just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
We need to get me chipped asap
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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