i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
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