Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
