I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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