I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
she woke up with a sticky ear
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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