Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
