I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
