super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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