you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
