It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
of course. lets lasso hookers.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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