There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize