I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
