I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
