yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
