help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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