At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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