i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
