im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
