We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
