He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
