i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
