I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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