SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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