I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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