All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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