My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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