I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
