I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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