I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
