I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
