between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
