I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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