your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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