Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
