just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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