i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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