It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize