Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
