I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
