i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
