when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I need moral support for this bender
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
