I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
