Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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