Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
did you just send me my own nude
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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