Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
