In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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