New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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