Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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