I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
