he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I take back everything I said about communal showers
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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