Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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