my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Randomize
