4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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