There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
